


Tankie gets shit-faced and deals (not) with his problems

by Anonymous



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Ancom is dead here, Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29959773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Based on this song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ60al8xXoA
Kudos: 10
Collections: anonymous





	Tankie gets shit-faced and deals (not) with his problems

Tankie read through "State and Revolution" for the fifth time now. Afterward, he cleaned the house again. Everything was neat and organized now. This done, he went to his weekly book meeting. The next day, he built another staircase, his hands a bit red from the wooden splinter sticking to his hands. The other day, he felt a bit lonely, and so, he decided to have a one-night stand with someone from Tinder.

Tankie was always out for more, always doing something. And yet, he never leaves square one. It's just an endless cycle. Was he going somewhere on was he just on the run?

He keeps striving to accomplish something great. Something bigger than himself. Boredom and pride fuels him to do more and more. But in the end, it's just a doomed attempt at running from a pain coming from the inside. His Marxist friends at the weekly book meeting just shrug it off, smiling slightly while telling him: “It's just an imbalance in your brain. There are two kinds of people: The happy and the insane.”

The pills should fix it, but somehow he can't let a thought rest: “Emotions serve a cause!” So drugs would just dull the sadness but wouldn't change what it's about. And when the problem is always there, when the capitalistic system is always there, he can't just “talk it out.”

And so he thought, as the cashier handed him the bottle of anti-depressants, “Maybe I should just give up on it.” 

He knows there are other people who deal with similar problems as him. And so he visited the anarchist polycule the next day. They have a long talk, but the more he thought about their words, the less sense it made to him. How can he trust these people, if all they're doing is just getting high? He already learned that just dulling the pain won't fix it either.

On his way to a flower field, he stumbles upon Conservative. After the Christian sees the vodka bottle in Tankie's hands, he strikes one of his fingers in the air. “All this pain and longing is all a search for God” He preached to the Communist, but the taller ideology just shook his head. “Well, I say if he's hiding, he's probably a fraud.” He walked off.

A few hours later, he laid shit-faced in the wet grass with yellow flowers surrounding him. He refused to think back to Ancom and let the yellow color instead remind him of Ancap. He would have probably told him that money can fix all of his problems. That would be ridiculous, as he is sure money is one of the reasons why he is feeling like this in the first place. And anyway, money can't buy him love, it can't bring Ancom back and greed is something he hates too much to be part of it. He sighs.

He straightened himself and started to calmly pick flowers while knowing that there are currently dropping bombs in the Middle East. It made his stomach twist in pain and the flowers crumbled in his rough hands. 

Tankie knows life could be different, but that won't make it so. He also knows why there are problems, but just knowing that won't make them go. He tried to think positively: Things may change in the future. The revolution might finally come! But... But he's alive today and he knows it's not coming. Not today, not tomorrow, not in a year. Not after he has eliminated Ancom from helping to do so anyway. And every time it did happen, it failed at the end. 

The Communist tried to get help one more time. He was a social creature after all. His wet hands grabbed for his phone, dealing Nazi's number. 

It went just as expected, but it somehow still felt disappointing. Tankie was barely even listening anymore as Nazi rambled on. “Death is too easy! Living is what makes us strong! Stay strong, Tankie. Suicide is for cowards!” He knew that Nazi just wants the best for him, but Tankie simply knows he's wrong. Because there is no use in living when there's no reason why. And anyway, he wasn't strong, there's nothing strong about being too scared to die.

“Thanks,” he said, but instead he hoped he would soon be strong enough to join Ancom.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ60al8xXoA


End file.
